How I Feel
by angellwings
Summary: He wasn't sure how anyone could be ignorant to her existence. She stood out like the summer sunshine. It was impossible to not see Ella. Natella.


**How I Feel**

By angellwings

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* * *

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Oh, I'm getting tired of believing,  
Even sicker of pretending,  
That it's not so bad, just wait it out.  
Oh, I think you're feeding me lies again.  
The only good man left wasn't him,  
And that's how I feel right now so just let me be.  
Let me be.

-"How I Feel" by Kelly Clarkson

* * *

"I. Hate. Men."

Nate looked up as Ella entered the wardrobe room and his eyes widened at the anger in her voice. She spotted Nate and blushed.

"Oh, um, I didn't see you there."

He smirked at her. "I'm scheduled for a 2 o'clock fitting, remember? Tour wardrobe?"

"I remember, but you're early."

"I thought we'd do a little catching up," He said with a small smile. "I haven't seen you in a while. But I can see that you're in a bad mood so…"

"No! Really, it's okay," Ella told him. "Don't leave. I just—you know how Luke told me he and Tess were over?"

Nate's jaw tensed and he tried not to show his obvious distain for the guy. He spoke stiffly. "I remember."

"Well, it turns out they're not so over. I mean, I should have expected as much. They're Luke and Tess. They'll forever be breaking up and getting back together. Why did I think this time would be any different?"

She was pacing in front of him and he wanted desperately to make her stop. Stop pacing, stop talking, and just _stop_. He didn't want to hear about Luke. He didn't want to _see_ Ella upset over Luke. He'd really rather just pretend Luke Williams didn't exist.

"I should just give up. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of all of it. Dating is just the most pointless thing ever. It never ends well, and the guys are either in love with someone else or cheating jackasses."

"Ella," He said with a sigh. She looked at him and shook her head.

"If you say 'you'll find someone' I will scream. Because at this point I won't. When I was younger I figured guys would become more intelligent when I was older. I figured that at this point in my life I would be dating a decent one. But I'm not. I'm not at all."

He opened his mouth to speak but she kept going.

"I'm going to end up all alone with nothing but my career to show for all my years of life and you know it's probably all my fault for dating these jerks to begin with."

She slammed her purse down on the table in front of her and collapsed into a nearby desk chair. She leaned forward and buried her head in her hands, and Nate really wanted to hurt Luke Williams. The guy had no right pulling Ella into his and Tess's twisted relationship.

He stepped forward and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Ella, I'm sorry Luke hurt you, but you can't judge every guy by all the bad ones. I'm sure there're still some good ones out there."

He _knew_ there were. He was standing right in front of her after all.

"No, Nate. None of the good ones want me. I get all the jerks and creepers. If I do happen across a good one they're well out of my league and probably completely ignorant to my existence."

He quirked a brow at her. He wasn't sure how anyone could be ignorant to her existence. She stood out like the summer sunshine. It was impossible to _not_ see Ella. "That's not true."

She rolled her eyes and leaned back in the chair. "It is too. I'm just one of those people who won't get the fairytale, and that's fine. It's just better I accept it now than pretend otherwise."

He watched her as she stood slowly and headed for the walk in closet in the back of the room. This had gone too far. He had to do something. He'd never seen Ella so upset. She came back out with a rack of his clothing for the tour, and he approached her as she stopped a few feet away from him. He took the rack from her and pushed it to the side before turning back to her. She looked away from him, and tried to cross the short distance to the rack he'd moved. Nate grabbed her arm gently to keep her from moving away.

"Stop," He said sternly. "Stop and listen to me."

"Nate—"

"Ella, just listen."

She gulped and nodded. "Okay."

"You are not going to be alone. You will get your fairytale. And _no one_ is out of your league. And if there's anyone out there who doesn't see you…then they don't deserve to be a part of your life. Things _will_ work out, and I'm not just saying that. I know that."

His hand traveled from her upper arm to her wrist. Something shot through her at the way his hand lightly moved down her arm. She shivered before speaking. "How do you know that, Nate? You can't possibly—"

"I _can_ possibly know that. I can also promise you that you will never be lonely. Not as long as I'm around."

Ella's breath caught in her throat when she finally caught his gaze. He was serious. His hand was no longer on her wrist. His fingers had laced with hers, and he had pulled her hand upward. He was studying it intently as he spoke.

"Besides, Luke is not right for you. You need some one a little more concerned with you and a little less concerned with himself."

Ella scoffed. "Yeah, cause that's easy to find."

Nate sighed. "It is. If you just open up your eyes and _look_."

Nate continued to stare at their hands. Ella caught just a glimpse of the look on his face. It was a mixture of pain and…hope. She bit her bottom lip. He couldn't be trying to say what she thought he was trying to say. No way.

She'd be lying if she said she didn't have feelings for Nate. She did have feelings for Nate, but he wasn't an option for her. He was intended for a more intelligent, more musical person. He was one of those guys who was out of her league. She'd never really thought too much about her feelings for him because she never thought they could go anywhere. Nate could _never_ be into _her_.

Nate, for his part, felt like yelling, _"It's me. I'm right here. _Look _at me!"_

But he didn't. He just held her hand and stared at her fingers, and hoped she'd realize it on her own. He felt like no matter what he did Ella never saw him as an option. He sometimes felt as if he were doomed to be just her friend for the rest of their lives, and that's not what he wanted. That's not what he wanted at all. But he'd been there, available and waiting for a very long time, and yet…she kept dating jerks. She would spend night after night going out with men that he knew would not be as good for her as he would be. He didn't know if he could take watching her do that _again_.

He reluctantly let go of her hand, and immediately missed the feeling of her fingers next to his. Ella took in a sharp breath when he let go. In the silence he had heard it loud and clear. He resisted the urge to grab her hand again and turned to walk away instead.

"Where are you going?" Ella asked in confusion.

"I need to take a walk," Nate told her as he swallowed thickly.

He'd barely gotten two steps away before Ella urgently grabbed his arm.

"Don't—wait."

He stopped walking but didn't look at her. He'd hoped she hadn't noticed his swift change in mood, but he knew that she had.

"Nate," She said as she relaxed her grip on his arm. "What just happened? Tell me what's wrong."

What had been sadness before now seemed to turn into resentment and anger. Not toward Ella, but his situation in general.

"What's wrong?" He asked with a blank expression. "What's wrong is that I'm completely in love with someone who doesn't realize it. What's wrong is that I've been standing in front of her, waiting for her to see me for _years_ now. It hasn't happened and it probably never will. _That's_ what's wrong, Ella."

Ella's brow furrowed. "Then this girl is an idiot."

Nate's expression softened and the corners of his mouth turned upward slightly. "No, she's not. Just oblivious mostly. She's actually a pretty remarkable person."

Ella's eyes narrowed. "I don't see how if she's been hurting you for so long."

That's when he realized that Ella had no idea. She didn't have any inkling about his feelings. He'd thought she would have been suspicious or at least have considered it once. But maybe she hadn't. "I don't think she meant to. I don't even think she knows that I _am_ in pain."

"How could she not know? You have told her how you feel, right?"

"No," He said with a sigh. "I haven't. I guess—I guess I've been hurting myself a little too, huh?"

Ella rolled her eyes and smacked his arm lightly. "You can't just assume people see things for what they are, Nate. How's this girl supposed to know you're crazy about her if you don't tell her?"

He nodded and smiled softly at her. "You're right. You're absolutely right."

"I know," She grinned.

"Thanks, Ella."

She shrugged. "No big. It's what I'm here for."

"Hey, Ella?" Nate asked as she turned back to the clothing rack.

"Hm?"

"You know that girl I told you about?"

"Yeah, what about her?"

"She's you."

Ella dropped the shirt she'd been inspecting and her eyes widened. She didn't dare turn around. Had she really heard that? Or had she imagined it? She was silent for a minute as she tried wake herself up. She had to be dreaming.

"Ella?" Nate asked worriedly. He reached out to touch her arm and she jumped.

"What did you say? I mean you did say something right? Or was I hearing things?" She asked softly as she kept her back to him. He stepped closer until Ella could feel his chest brush against her back, and she gulped.

"That girl I'm in love with," Nate said as he leaned toward her ear. "Is you."

Chills ran up and down her arms, and her body went hot and cold all at once. Everything about that last statement made her feel something. From Nate standing so close to the actual words that left his mouth. It was all very exhilarating. But he couldn't be. She turned slowly and pinched his shoulder.

He flinched. "Ow. What was that?"

"I'm—I'm trying to figure out if I'm dreaming."

He grinned in amusement. "I think that's supposed to work the other way around."

Her brow furrowed and he continued.

"You're supposed to be the one pinched not the one doing the pinching."

"Oh," She said with an embarrassed blush.

He leaned toward her ear again and she could feel his warm breath against her cheek, neck and ear. "I could pinch you if you want."

She couldn't think of the words to answer him. He was far too close and much too attractive. He smirked and she was so caught up in that smirk that she nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a sharp short pain in her side. "What—"

He let out a deep chuckle. "I pinched you. I think it's safe to say you're not dreaming."

"Y-you mean that you're…you're really in love with me? This is reality?"

"It is," he said as his nerves seemed to creep in. "And in this reality you still haven't told me how you feel…about me."

There was a moment of silence as Ella thought about it. "I—I love you. I mean I have for a while but I thought—I didn't think there was much point to it."

His brow furrowed. "Why?"

"I'm not really your type."

"I have a type?" He asked.

"Yes, brilliant, beautiful, insanely talented—"

"Ella, you're all of those things," He told her with a grin. He said it like it should have been obvious and Ella felt herself melt a little.

"No—but you're so…so out of my league."

"Wait. When you said that earlier…were you talking about me?"

She didn't answer and Nate knew she had been.

"Ella, you're the one that's in a whole 'nother league. Not me. You deserve so much more than you realize. You deserve so much better than Luke and…so much better than me even. I don't—"

He didn't get to finish his argument. Ella had thrown herself at him suddenly. She couldn't help it. The minute he'd said she deserved so much more she'd been a goner. After that there was nothing that she wanted more than to kiss him senseless. It took him a moment to realize what was happening, but when he did he pulled her closer and held on tighter as if he were afraid she might slip away.

She was standing on her toes and had her arms completely wrapped around his neck as they kissed. Somehow, Nate took over and his lips were gently yet eagerly moving against her own, and Ella thought she might explode. She'd never been kissed like this. She'd never been kissed as if kissing her was _all_ that mattered. She'd never been kissed so sweetly and so desperately before in her life. It was as if Nate had imagined kissing her a thousand times before.

It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Ella whimpered slightly as Nate deepened the kiss. She didn't know how much more she could take. The whimper merely seemed to encourage Nate though, and he kissed her harder. She suddenly felt the wall behind her and briefly wondered when they had moved and where the clothing rack had gone before she felt Nate's fingers tangle themselves in the ends of her long hair.

What had she been thinking about? Oh, who cared? How could she care about anything when Nate was kissing her like this?

They finally ran out of air and had to pull apart, but Nate's fingers stayed in her hair. There was something beautifully intimate about Nate playing with her hair. It made her stomach flip in the most wonderful way.

She swallowed thickly and smiled at Nate. He smiled warmly at her in return, and let go of her hair to caress her cheek.

"So," He asked hoarsely. She smirked as he cleared his throat before speaking again. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Having dinner with you, I hope," Ella said brightly.

"I think we can work that out," Nate told her with a grin.


End file.
